Moving Forward

I have been told the only constant in life is change.  Good thing I am great with change – seriously - as long as I control what, when, where, and how.  I am pliable and adaptable as long as it is according to my plan.  Some of the time. If I got a good night’s sleep. 

AGH!  I hate change. 

These past few years have been filled with significant changes for me.  I am deconstructing my theological and philosophical credos.  I am making jewelry again after several years absence.  I have created and implemented processes for a sustainable business.  I have defined an aesthetic I am excited to express.

I am identifying ideas and assumptions that are no longer consistent or comfortable.  I have outgrown many beliefs I once desperately clung to.  I am ready to release what I no longer need to make space for what I do need.    Mentally, emotionally, physically.   Cleaning out cobwebs and closets.

I took a serious look at my inventory of finished pieces.  I decided to deconstruct several pieces of jewelry I have made over the years that for some reason did not sell or I no longer felt was representative of the style and workmanship I wish to be known for.  I sat with my tools and three bowls.  One for stones, one for findings I can reuse, and one for scrap silver.  I still had to go through each bowl with tweezers to sort from one to the other.  Evidently watching TV and cutting apart jewelry are not go-together-skills.

Looking at the untethered stones, extra findings, and scrap to melt, I am wondering if I am a f@*&#n idiot to undo all the hard work I was so proud of. I dismantled about half my inventory!  My heart hurts – I feel I have lost parts of me.  Sure, some needed to be redone because they were beginner pieces.  Some were just ugly.  Some were innocent unsold souls cluttering my studio.  BUT … damn Sam! 

Deep breath. 

Maybe two deep breaths as I pull up my big girl panties.

OK …  I have stones, findings and metal.  I have designs I am excited to implement, and I have the necessary materials and tools.  Everything I valued before the destruction has remained.  It still hurts letting go of the crude, foolish, and ill-fitting whatevers I was once so comfortable with. 

Through my deconstruction journey, I have come to believe my artistic and personal growth can be as simple as moving elements around in different configurations to better meet my needs.  And I can let go of what no longer fits without losing what is valuable to me in this season.  And it may hurt.

Discern, release, move forward.   

Big girl panties help.